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lazes, ne verujem :rolleyes: ... moram da vidim da bi poverovao, aj ugovori grupnu posetu posto ima jos zainteresovanih.... valjda, nadam se... kakva su vremena :huh:

 

---Šta je zapravo zdrav život?

- ako je hodanje zdravo, poštar bi bio besmrtan!

- kit pliva cijeli dan, jede samo ribu, pije samo vodu... opet je veliki i debeo!

- zec trči i skače, ali živi svega 10 godina!

Kornjača ne trči, ne radi ništa... i živi 450 godina!!!

I sad ti budi pametan ...

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Prva zena na mesecu:

-Hjustone imamo problem...

-Sta je?

-Nema veze,nista...

-Sta je problem?

-Nista!

-Reci nam sta je problem!

-NECU!

-Molim te reci nam sta je problem.

-Znas ti dobro sta je problem!

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Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

 

Client: “Is e-mail internet”?

 

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

 

Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”

 

Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”

 

Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”

 

Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”

 

Client: “Open what?”

 

Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”

 

Client: “My…my…?”

 

Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”

 

Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”

 

Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”

 

Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”

 

Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”

 

Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”

 

Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”

 

Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”

 

Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”

 

Client: “My what?”

 

Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”

 

Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.

 

 

Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”

 

Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”

 

Me: “An error message?”

 

Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”

 

Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”

 

Client: “Yes.”

 

Me: “Move it for me.”

 

Client: “Move it?”

 

Me: “Yes. Move it.”

 

Client: “My e-mail!”

 

 

I svašta nešto.

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Zena stoji na prozoru i vice muzu :

- Gotovo! Skacem!

Necu vise da trpim tvoje prevare, da perem, cistim, kuvam...

I prestani vec jednom da me guras!

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Ne bih ponovo da uplićem spoljašnju stvarnost, ail ovo od pre tri poruke mi se jednom prilkom zaista desilo.

 

-Osoba_X: "Molim vas, hitno dođite, treba da radim (to i to), a moja aplikacija je nestala i pojavio se skroz crn ekran."

-Myself: "Baš ničeg nema?"

-Osoba_X: "Pa ....... nije baš skroz crn, piše Windows XP sa leve strane .... u stvari, sad je natpis desno."

-Myself: "Pomerite miša malo levo-desno."

-Osoba_X: "Jaaaao, proradilo je. Puno vam hvala!" :D

 

:)

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Sedi kauboj u birtiji i prilazi mu lezbijka:

Kauboj:- "Ko si ti?"

"Lezbijka."

"Šta ti to znači?"

"Po čitav dan mislim na žene i kad jedem mislim na žene

i kad pijem mislim na žene i kad se odmaram mislim na žene

i kad spavam sanjam žene.

Samo na njih mislim."

Ispije lezbijka svoje piće i ode.

Poslije 5 minuta prilazi dečak kauboju i pita ga.

- "Čiko, jeste li vi pravi kauboj?"-

"Bio sam.''

- "A zašto više niste?"

- "Sad sam shvatio da sam lezbijka."

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Zbog krađe u trgovini, žena se našla pred sucem:

- Šta ste ukrali?

- Konzervu breskvi!

- I koliko je bilo breskvi u njoj?

- Šest.

- Šest breskvi je šest dana zatvora!

U tom trenu se iz pozadine izdere njen muž:

- Ukrala je i veliku konzervu graška!

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Trči žena za autobusom i viče: 'Zaustavite autobus, zakasnit ću na posao'

Ljudi viknu vozaču da zaustavi autobus, uđe žena u autobus i kaže: 'Hvala vam puno, a sad svi karte na pregled'

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Išla plavuša avionom u New York. Imala je kartu za drugi razred, ali je sjela u prvi. Dođe stjuardesa i kaže joj da se mora prebaciti iz prvog razreda u drugi.

- Ne, meni je ovdje dobro.

Dođe kopilot i ponovi joj isto.

- Ne, ne, meni se ovdje sviđa.

Dođe kapetan i nešto joj šapne u uho. Plavuša se digne, kaže:

- Pa šta mi to niste odmah rekli? - i ode u drugi razred.

Pitaju kapetana:

- Što ste joj rekli?

- Da prvi razred ne ide za New York.

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Startuje pandur razvaljenu ribu od necega...

 

- dajte mi isprave...

 

Ova mu jedva izvadi licnu....on dok gleda pita "gde si rodjena?"

 

Riba: De si rooodjeeeni...

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S čim Cigo jede pljeskavicu?

 

S oduševljenjem!

 

 

--------------------------------------

 

 

Zašto Ciga duva 40 svećica za 4 rođendan?

 

 

Da ćale vidi da li je kapacitet za trubu....

 

 

-----------------------------------------

 

Zašto Ciga ide biciklom u kupleraj?

 

Da jebe!

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

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Zaustavlja pandur u Leskovcu auto.

Gleda on,vozac vezan, suvozac vezan,

pozadi deca vezana...

- E kaki ste, ce se podavite za 10€

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